I am Jennie of J.B. Tols.I am an interior designer, photographer, blogger, advocate, adventurer, wife and mother

September 19, 2019

This safety plan will not ensure that you are not going to be a victim of domestic violence. You should be on the defense though, and have a plan in place to be the most on guard and ready to take action in the event of a domestic dispute. 

1. Have 911 on speed dial. Train your children how to use the 911 system. If it is feasible, go in and talk with the dispatchers at your local police department and introduce them to your children.

If you are divorced and your children have visitation with the abuser, teach them to call 911 before they call you. They may only get one phone call and if they call 911, you at least have a call that has been recorded for court proceedings and they have a better chance of getting to the children than you do. 

2. Hide a key to your home and car outside somewhere. Tell NO ONE where it is. If you hide a key for the children, keep it separate from your own. 

3. If domestic violence occurs, try to move to a room with an exit. 

4. Set up a code word for your kids. Have a set action for the code word (ie: go to neighbors and call police) 

5. If you are attacked in a room with readily accessible weapons, do your best to lure your attacker to another room. (ie. Kitchen with knives on the counter)

6. NEVER feel sorry for your attacker and let down your guard.  When attacked, even if they are very apologetic, document your attack with pictures or a visit to the doctor. Hide any images for future use.

7. Keep a journal of EVERYTHING. Most importantly, keep dates. Judges are very receptive to one who can give a list of dates and occurrences. 

8. Buy a prepaid phone and hide it somewhere for yourself and one for your children. Check to see if it has an expiration date. Never call numbers associated with domestic violence shelters or the like with a phone that you share with your attacker.

9. Confide in people carefully. Think before you speak. Sometimes people mean well or think that they are protecting you by confronting your attacker–this could cause more severe abuse for you. Some people will not trust you and “tell on you”. Please, always use caution and trust very few people. 

10. Hide money. Save money. Be ready. 

11. Do not under estimate your attacker. My ex-husband found ways of accessing my emails, my Facebook, my MySpace, my phone– and had been watching me for months. I am smart and thought that I was being safe and using intelligence in my preparation for escape. However, he was always one step ahead of me. Set up phony accounts or have no accounts at all.

12. Start recording as many arguments as possible. This can be tricky as you DO NOT want your attacker to find out that you have been making recordings. Many iPhones have a recorder on them or you can buy recorders at local stores. If I could go back and do anything better, it would be to record attacks. People who abuse and attack or notorious for, also, being great deceivers; they rally many enablers. I would give anything to be able to play me being attacked for my attackers family members and the courts–especially his family. Having proof will help you in the legal system, but it will, also, help keep you sane. When the attacker is denying his abuse to people close to you and those people are supporting him/her, you can play those recordings and rest in the fact that they are the ones missing the boat and not you! Once those recordings are made, email them to your private email address or a friends email and then delete anything that is within your home that the attacker could get his hands on.

13. PRAY and ask others to pray. You would be surprised by the strength that you can possess during a time like this when backed with your own prayers and the prayers of others.


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